"Never drinking again." This phrase by now has no meaning whatsoever. Why do we even say that after a wild night out? Maybe just to feel better about ourselves and pretend for a little while that we are a better person today than what we were the night before. We are just attempting to recover a little bit of our dignity back and we start making silly promises that sadly don’t last long enough.
Five reasons why I should stick to juice boxes and let others handle my alcohol:
1. When I’m drunk I say embarrassing things. If you ever hang out with me and get me drunk chances are you will learn more about me than you really should. Why do I do this? I don’t know. I just like to share information and share my entire life with strangers. All I know is the next day I wake up and start getting flashbacks of conversations I held the night before and I’m like “did I really say that?” Every time I just wish I could disappear but since that’s not possible all I do is try to ignore the fact and hope everyone has short-term memory or Alzheimer’s - maybe I should party at retirement homes instead.
2. When I’m drunk I like to think I’m not and even though I can’t even see straight I continue drinking and wanting to dance. Tripping over myself is also my signature move. No wonder I wake up with so many random bruises. My lack of judgement also leads me to giving my number to guys who I would never even talk to when sober. That’s why you need your best friends with you at all times so they can keep them at bay. All of this only leads to me feeling like death and planning my funeral the next day.
3. When I’m drunk for some reason I throw my phone as if it was unbreakable. First of all, having your phone out while having couple of drinks is a horrible idea for so many reasons. For example, when I’m attempting to text after two or three tequila shots I completely forget how to form complete, logical sentences, and forget what’s appropriate and inappropriate to say. I also forget where the letters are, how to spell words (nothing that autocorrect can’t handle), and I’m usually texting a message that most of the time is better left off unsaid. Once I come to the realization that I’m probably doing something stupid with my phone I just throw it to the floor, as if that would stop it from sending the message. Another thing that usually happens is my phone slips off my fingers, as if the 3.95 ounces that the iPhone 5 weighs was too much for my tiny hands to carry. The next day I freak out while trying to resuscitate my phone and once I get it to work I praise God for being so good to me.
4. When I’m drunk I forget all about calories, diets, and think everything is fat free. This can be good and/or bad - if you eat all the greasy food before you start drinking, the grease coats your stomach slowing down the absorption of alcohol (perhaps I should thank it for not letting me die), and most of the times you throw it up anyways so it doesn’t matter at all. However, when you don’t and when it doesn’t even help you with the hangover you just feel like an overweight failure and feel like you need to lose 25 lbs. Comfort food rarely leaves you comforted. This is by far the worst feeling ever.
5. And finally the next day I find myself to be mentally and physically impaired. I’m literally a dehydrated vegetable. My go-to routine for when I’m in situations like these is calling my gay bff, get him to bring all the Smart Water he can find, cans and cans of Diet Coke, and nothing Chipotle can’t fix. Once I’m feeling better, around 6pm, we start discussing my life choices and he of course starts judging my actions. We immediately go into damage control mode, we start laughing at my ridiculous life and he reminds me that nothing really matters because I’m still pretty.
If we know exactly what happens when we drink, why do we do it? I get it, but like, I don’t “get it, get it.”
So, yes, I’ve secretly been playing the Kim K game all this time. Those occasions where you guys saw me with my phone tilted sideways I wasn’t watching a funny video, or reading a long article, or taking a picture, I was mindlessly pressing buttons trying to collect coins, stars and completing modeling gigs - all in the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood game.
I’m currently an A-lister with 40 million fans. I started playing it once I heard Kim was making $200 million out of it. I just couldn’t believe it. So I downloaded it and wham! I got hooked. Keeping my dignity intact and not contributing to Kim K’s empire, I’ve actually managed to play it for free. It’s not hard and it’s what everyone with a functioning brain and frugal mind should do. But it gets frustrated when you accidentally start an 8 hour task and realize it’s 10pm which means most likely you will only get one star and lose fans all because you don’t want to waste money on buying energy to continue. Wahh. You might as well become an insomniac. The struggle between sleep and being famous.
The game takes you through the struggles of a E-lister trying to make it in the celebrity world. The E-lister being you. So far I’ve climbed up the ladder pretty successfully, going from being an employee at So Chic boutique, to owning it, from doing local Ads to national high profile magazine spreads (no Vogue though, wtf), walking New York Fashion Week, making appearances here and there, becoming a movie star that everyone raves about, having multiple homes across the US, Mexico, and of course being Kim Kardashian’s best friend (and randomly walking into her house for no reason). I am a global sensation and I’m requested all over the world for photoshoots - always hopping on and off buses and airplanes - half of the time unintentional because I’m lost and forget where all these places are located. I swear I’m more productive in this game than in life itself. Can I add this on my resume?
Let’s face it, the game is full of wisdom - Kardashian wisdom, that is.
Kim advises: Dating costs money - in this game dating literally costs money, you’re a very modern woman and you actually pay for everything - but it’s a quick way to level up - translation, in real life you should sleep with directors, executives, actors, anyone who is anyone, use them to get connections and move up.
This one is a given. Although the nicer clothes and hairstyles in this game cost K stars (which are hard to get if you’re not willing to pay real dollars), you can manage to buy pretty gowns with the fictional money you earn doing appearances and fashion shoots. But I mean, don’t expect to have enough to buy the appropriate outfit for every occasion. I just casually did a swimsuit spread fully clothed. What are the chances of that happening in real life. And wow, I just realized how pathetic, I’m a grown woman dressing up a virtual doll like when I was 5 years old and would play with barbies.
In real life I can’t seem to be able to hold on to a relationship, so obviously that would happen in the game too. Clearly, I am the issue. Guys are usually hating on my outfits, specially if I didn’t change clothes before our date (I know, ew), but it all makes sense, because Kim clearly acquired her fashion style when Kanye stepped into her life and gave her access to the luxuries of real designers. Well played, Kanye.
This game also portrays men as insecure and needy. They want you to be the one who calls them and make plans with them. And of course, when a break up seems imminent you have to charm them enough to stay with you. Or being the real psycho that you are, you can just exit the game completely and restart it and ask him out on a date before he breaks up with you. It’s like having a magic ball and seeing he future and fixing it before it happens. (Crazy talk…but really)
Should I also mention that this game has also turned me into a fictional lesbian whore? I’ll flirt with you as long as I get points.
The characters in this game as based on real people.
Marcel Tesiano, aka, Mario Testino.
Elizabeth Korkov, aka, Ana Wintour.
Marlo Blando, aka, Marlon Brando - who is giving me acting lessons, in his hotel suite. Totally normal. I get it Kim, I need to sleep with people to be famous!
And of course, Willow Pape, aka, Paris Hilton - my frenemy. (Willow is not a real blonde, pass it on)
Kendall has obvi been playing the real life version of the game and it has payed off. She started out making an appearance at Cannes this year where no one cared about her and now, 6 months later, she’s BFFs with Riccardo Tisci et all.
I guess whether you like Kim or not this is everyone’s life goal, which we are living vicariously through an iPhone app:
Well I got to go, Simon is calling me, AGAIN, I swear he calls me more than my mom does. Like, can you not? I mean, if I’m an A-lister why can’t I just enjoy the glory of it? Instead, him and Maria have me working nonstop. Can they just like hookup and leave me alone for a while?
If you know anything about anything in life, you know that Lollapalooza is the last stop for musical festival goers who party, do drugs, and, from what you can gather from the pictures, wear flower crowns and braid their hair any chance they get.
It takes place in the heart of Chicago in Grant Park. It’s the perfect setting because you leave the chaos of the city to enter musical paradise and dance it up, lose your voice, and sweat it up while having the beautiful Chicago skyline in the background. After watching the headliners each night, you leave all hyped up to continue the party and live it up in the city going to all the aftershows that happen throughout the course of the 3 days of the festival.
Chicago is hometown, so I’m pretty sure I’ve got the whole system figured out:
☮ Tip #1: Load up on the sunscreen, people! I got crazy burnt my first year, and I’ve never worn anything less than SPF 30 every year after. Also, wear a hat and sunglasses because the sun is really strong until about 7:30pm. Now, I usually get there around 5:30 - 6pm just in time for the evening sets. I don’t need to be there from 11am exhausting myself and getting ugly tan lines I don’t need. I swear by La Roche-Posay Face & Body SPF 30.
☮ Tip #2: Wear really comfy shoes — sneakers are definitely best. Cut-out boots are your second and last option. Feet get really sweaty and if it rains, everything becomes a mud fest. NO SANDALS! Your feet will be covered in dirt within the first hour.
☮ Tip #3: Setting up meeting places and times with friends is key to any music festival survival. It’s really easy to get lost and cell phones die faster than you think. When in need, visit the Samsung Galaxy Experience!
☮ Tip #4: A sheet is definitely a good thing to bring and it’s easy to fit in your backpack. You’ll be doing a lot of walking around so it’s always nice to have something clean to sit on. Or you could always just climb up a tree.
☮ Tip #5: For your favorite acts, make sure to get to the stage super early. If you have VIP passes leave your VIP nest to get the real Lolla experience. The only reason why I would consider buying VIP is for the decent bathrooms and places to cool off.
☮ Tip #6: Don’t wear anything you don’t mind getting really sweaty or spilled on. If you do, chances are you won’t be wearing it again.
☮ Tip #7: If you are hungry, eat a lobster corn dog!!!
The people at WGN 9 came up with the best video: 9 guys you will meet at Lollapalooza next year:
I came across Jessica Lange’s commencement speech for Class of 2008 at Sarah Lawrence College. I found it inspiring and just the right words I needed to hear right now as I sit here pondering about the future and not knowing what I’m doing with my life. I just need to let things go, embrace life and let it take me anywhere.
"This is a day to feel proud and to congratulate yourselves on your hard work and intelligence. And then, to simultaneously give thanks for the extraordinary opportunity that has been given to you, to acknowledge the professors you’ve been privileged to study with, to acknowledge the excellent education you have received in this rarified atmosphere, and then, of course, to give thanks to those who enabled you to be here.
The possibilities and the limitations now spread out before you, whatever field you have decided to go into, whether it be the sciences, the arts, the humanities. You have the opportunity to make a better world, to benefit mankind, to ease the suffering of others, to educate, to heal, to entertain, to illuminate. A new beginning, an arising. How glorious for you!
William Blake wrote, “My fingers emit sparks of fire with expectations of my future labours.”
When I mentioned to a friend that I was writing a commencement speech, he asked me what my theme was. Now that really threw me. Nobody told me I needed a theme. I’m not great with themes, so I don’t have one, per se. I hope you’re not disappointed. I do wish I could be funny or profound; however, that’s wishful thinking. What I have are some thoughts I’d like to share with you. So if it feels random, it probably is.
I look out at your faces and guess most of you graduates are about 22 years old. I think of the world I was living in at that age. Very different from yours and yet, ominously similar.
At 22, for me, the Vietnam war was in its seventh year. Nixon was employing round-the-clock bombing. We were destroying the infrastructure, the people, and the countryside of Vietnam to save it from the Communists.
History repeats itself.
Today, for you at 22, the Iraq war is in the sixth year. Thousands of American soldiers killed. Tens of thousands wounded. Hundreds of thousands Iraqis dead. The infrastructure and land destroyed to save it from (and this is a movable feast) first, tyranny, and then, terrorists.
Now, some of you may feel this is not the proper occasion to make mention of this. However, I would be remiss in addressing a group of young adults if I were to deliberately ignore the political realities that they are faced with.
We are all citizens of a troubled world, yet it is your generation that carries the weight of the future on your shoulders. We are living in an America that in the last seven and a half years has waged an unnecessary war, established prison camps, condoned torture, employed corporate armies, eliminated the right of habeas corpus, practiced extraordinary rendition, and believe me, this is only a partial list—I had to keep myself in check.
I don’t wish to dwell on the misery caused by this administration, but that legacy is being passed down to you. It is a heavy burden to inherit and will require tremendous dedication and hard work to put it right again. You must determine if we are going to measure ourselves on the basis of military might and economic power or if there is perhaps something deeper—more essential in our national character—that needs to be awakened.
We must commit ourselves, wholeheartedly, to the pursuit of peace, equality and justice. This should be the realm of your dreams, the altruistic motivation you go forward with as you are moving towards a world unknown.
I believe you’ve come of age in a complex and confusing time. The commercial forces surrounding you, the absence of meaningful culture, the constant assault by media, fashion, and entertainment. We have become a society that is placated by gadgets, soothed by consumerism and the empty rewards of upward mobility, the celebration of mediocrity and false celebrity, the obscurations of modern life. We need a sea change.
So, I encourage you not to buy into it. Defy conventions and what is expected of you. Create your own definition of success. Don’t let it be judged or guided by someone else’s measurement, by someone else’s expectations or limitations.
You are our hope. So cherish this time in your life. Remember who you are. Because, right now, you have it all: The power of your imagination, the velocity of your dreams, the language of innocence, and the passion of a beginner. Don’t lose it. Don’t let it evaporate or get stripped away or worn away. And, as time passes, if you find you’ve come far away from yourself, allow the breeze of humility to remind you of who you were—who you really are.
Henry James said, “To live is such an art…”
If, from my vantage point now, I could tell my 22-year-old self what I now believe is the most important thing in life (and one I didn’t embrace fully at the time because I was young and willful and reckless), it would be—to be present. I would encourage you, with all my heart, just to be present. Be present and open to the moment that is unfolding before you. Because, ultimately, your life is made up of moments. So don’t miss them by being lost in the past or anticipating the future. Don’t be absent from your own life.
You will find that life is not governed by will or intention. It is ultimately the collection of these sense memories stored in our nerves, built up in our cells. Simple things:
A certain slant of light coming through a window on a winter’s afternoon -The sound of spring peepers at twilight -The taste of a strawberry still warm from the sun -Your child’s laughter -Your mother’s voice
These are the things that shape our lives and settle into the fiber of our beings. Don’t take them for granted. Slow down for them, they will take root. And someday 20-30-40 years from now, you may be going about your day when by chance the smell of bread baking or the sound of a mockingbird singing will stop you in your tracks and carry you heart and soul back to yourself. Moments of pure happiness, bliss—if you feel comfortable using that word—come upon you unexpectedly. Don’t be too preoccupied to experience them.
We need to slow it all down. I wonder sometimes why we can’t just sit and do nothing. Why can’t we enjoy idleness—the art of doing nothing. Perhaps it’s not in our cultural DNA. We are goal oriented, result driven. Success is measured in how much we can get done.
We seem to have no time for stillness. What is this desperate need we have to fill the emptiness with iPods, Blackberries, cell phones, computers, video games, and television? Perhaps we should ask ourselves, how do we really understand pleasure and happiness? The Tibetan Buddhists have a saying, “Tomorrow or the next life—which comes first, we never know.”
So I encourage you—don’t keep anticipating that your life is up ahead of you. Don’t always be waiting for the next thing. Don’t put all your energies into some idea of the future. And with that in mind, you open the door to endless possibilities. Just allow life to take you on an adventure. Be receptive to the winds of change.
I graduated from high school in a worn-out little mill town in Northern Minnesota. Art was going to be my way out. I went to the University on a scholarship and entered the fine arts program. I imagined I would study—get my B.F.A., go on to get an M.F.A. Devote my life to painting. Then the second quarter of my freshman year the drawing class I wanted was filled. At the last minute I signed up for a photography class. My photography instructor introduced me to his friends, young photographers. They were leaving for Spain to make a documentary about flamenco Gypsies in Andalusia. And they asked me, did I want to come along? Yes, I said.
We lived in Europe for that year. When we returned to the States, we settled in New York. The early SoHo days. They had a friend they introduced me to—a modern dancer from the Merce Cunningham Company—who was starting an experimental theater company. She asked me if I wanted to dance with them. I said yes.
A man who had worked with the great mime master, Etienne Decroux, was in New York and came to give us classes. I fell in love with mime and when I learned Decroux still lived and taught in Paris, I decided to go study with him. With $100 in my pocket, I went to look for this old man. I lived in Paris for the next three years taking classes.
I felt I had finally settled in. I never imagined leaving Paris. At the school, I met some actors from New York. On a return visit to the States I ran into one of them. He asked if I wanted to come along to one of his acting classes to see what it was all about. “Yeah, yeah, why not?” I wasn’t doing anything. I discovered an immediate passion for acting. It seemed to bring everything together for me. I decided to stay and study.
Suddenly, my life was in New York, working as a waitress and taking acting classes. I imagined it would be a long and steady process. I’d start auditioning, first for showcase theaters, then Off-Off-Broadway—work my way up until, finally, someday, maybe Broadway.
Then, one day, I was asked if I wanted to audition for a film. I would have to fly to Hollywood to do a screen test. It was like something out of an old movie. I didn’t want to do film—my life was supposed to be in the theater. But it was winter in New York, I was broke, and my sister was sailing up the coast from Mexico and would be in California—I wanted to go see her. So I said, “yeah, why not? I’ve got nothing to lose.”
They picked me up from my fifth floor walk-up in the Village, flew me to Los Angeles, and took me to MGM to do a screen test. I did it and they gave me the part. And so began a new and totally unexpected chapter in my life.
So, I guess the point I want to make is this—there was no way I could have ever anticipated or planned the twists and turns my life took in those six short years. Sometimes, you just have to let life take you on its glorious journey. And the best time to do it is now—when you’re young and full of curiosity and have no fear. Don’t constrain yourself with expectations of success. Success will be a by-product of the life you lead. All success is individual, and sometimes, as in my case, completely accidental.
So today you are setting off on your next adventure. You are beginning, and what makes beginnings so thrilling is the unknown. What is vital is this initial confrontation with the unknown and how you decide to embrace it. The world is waiting for you. Explore it through your own humanity. Be guided by your higher self. Don’t be dissuaded or discouraged, but do allow yourself to be sidetracked if that’s what you want. Get off the fast track, off the grid—go out and wander.
I hope that you will commit yourselves to the pursuit of peace—to the practice of tolerance and compassion. And be good stewards to our precious Earth. I wish you all the courage to have an adventurer’s heart and a life lived in the moment.
Stevie Nicks is my spirit animal and is the type of person I’d never get tired of.
In a world full of fake people, Stevie is authentic, unapologetic, and just the coolest girl around. It’s weird that I think I know her but I’m pretty sure we’re bonded by her songwriting. If I ever were to meet her, I would simply say “thank you”. Thank you for writing, for sharing your poetry, your fashion style, but mostly because I feel like I live through your songs, through your voice and through your music.
Stevie has the gift to write in the most beautiful poetic way what most of us feel at some point in our lives but we can’t seem to put it quite into words. She makes you actually listen to the lyrics, relate to them, and make the song your own. And if you have too much time in your hands you can go ahead and read between the lines and get a little preview into her life.
From Buckingham Nicks to Fleetwood Mac to Stevie Nicks as a solo artist - I’m a fan of it all. I could probably fill in for a backup singer any day because I know every single song.
There’s not a song that she’s written that I haven’t cried to, danced to, fallen in love to. She just says the right things that fit into this emotional roller coaster that happens to be my life. It goes on to show how we are all so similar and go through the same stuff at the end of the day.
Now that she’s coming out with her “24 Karat Gold: Songs From The Vault” album which is a collection of songs that she has written throughout her life, written between 1969-1987, 1994 & 1995, my life has a sense of completeness and I’m totally freaking out with excitement. Excuse me while I go breathe into a paper bag. She describes, “each song is a lifetime. Each song has a soul. Each song has a purpose. Each song is a love story.” Basically more amazing songs to relate to our same angst, problems, inner struggles. Stevie sings love songs, and is the queen of the broken heart.
She’s like a fairy godmother to all of us. Throughout her life she’s taught me to be unapologetic for my mistakes and not letting them define me. She’s taught me that it is okay to be emotional, dramatic, and to raise my voice as much as I can.
Oh yeah and she also happens to be my style icon. For a girl who’s nostalgic for the seventies, she is the queen of the ethereal bohemian look, thanks to her signature long gowns, which often feature extreme sleeves, fringed shawls, and layered chiffon skirts. I want it all.
She enchants her audience as soon as she takes the center stage, often with a tambourine in hand and twirling in her diaphanous gowns.
My favorite Stevie Nicks song would have to be Rhiannon - I just feel a special connection to that song and it draws me in every single time. Gypsy would be second favorite. But this video below is literally EVERYTHING. Unaware that she’s being videotaped, all in peach getting her makeup done she starts singing “Wild Heart”:
After all this time she prevails. She’s on a league of her own and that’s why she’s timeless.
"You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."
"Black isn’t a color, it’s a way of life" - Anna Dello Russo
The Armani Privé Haute Couture Fall 2014 show was all about black, white, and red. Monochrome is a trend that’s been pushing through since AW14 but a splash, or in some cases, a pouring of scarlet added a dynamic dimension to the collection.
On the runway we saw a flow of classic cut suits, accentuated shoulders, tulip skirts and tailored shorts, with sharp ladylike touches such as red stilettos, leather gloves, veils and frills, with a nod to the 1960s via swing coats and classic capes adding the right amount of feminine elegance.
Sitting front row, Kate Hudson stole the show in a plunging lilac jumpsuit. She looked ridiculously amazing.